first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
