Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The struggles of a small town man whore
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
