i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
