dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
