Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
