I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love having hate sex.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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