maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
