no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
