i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
