sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
