He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
