dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
