i just wanna soil my oats bro
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Acid is not a monday night drug
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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