Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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