is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
