Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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