i don't like sucking hair
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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