LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
