Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
