So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
