So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
