I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
