i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
