sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
