a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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