if i can run in heels then i can drive
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
