I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
