just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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