I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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