i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
