Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
