i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
