the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
