Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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