the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
