so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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