Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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