I'm going to jail i love you
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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