I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dick very happy bro
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
