ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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