Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
