This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
