I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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