im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
