I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
