i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
