I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
