hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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