She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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