I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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