perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
