its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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