I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
