he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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