Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
