There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
